Tuesday, September 30, 2008

quirkiness and then quietness

First the silly:

Seven quirky things about me:

1. When I do dishes, I have to arrange my legs to stand like a flamingo. I don't do it consciously, and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember.

2. I never buy regular coffee at Starbucks. I figure if I can do it myself, I'm not going to pay someone else for it.

3. I like my milk really, really cold...so sometimes I add ice cubes to a glass.

4. I hate wearing sunglasses. I won't do it no matter what.

5. I always forget to turn the oven off when I'm through baking. Someone else always comes in after me to do it.

6. I have to go to the bathroom twice every morning. About 15 minutes apart.

7. I wear blankets in the living room even when it's hot outside. I love blankets!

And on a completely different note;

Why is the church so silent on certain sins? We know that sins are wrong..we're preached at enough about how terrible and evil homosexuality is: but we're trained ZERO about how to help or reach someone who struggles with that. So what the church is teaching is: Tell them it's wrong and that Jesus wants them for Himself and that should be enough to "win them over to our side....we have cookies." jk

And as for lust? "It's wrong. It's devastating...it destroys marriages, families, etc." That's true. But so what? What good does that knowledge do? Why don't we ever TALK ABOUT IT?

I told you last post that 90% of men have or currently struggle with some lust issue. That's a very high number. When I heard that the first time, I blew it off as an excuse some guy was making for why guys are perverted. And then I heard that statistic in a different book. Then I heard it quoted at a marriage conference. Then I read it in a youth magazine. Then another book. And so after awhile I finally accepted it. I even asked other men (not my husband) if they thought that statistic was realistic...and they each said yes.

So if 90% of men (not just men, but Christian men) struggle with this, why is the church so silent on it? If 90% of Christians were dying of AIDS, you think we'd do something more active about it? Think there'd be way more programs and small groups to prevent and stop this destructive epidemic? You bet. So why don't we? Why are we so silent? I've been doing some research (through books and personal interviews) and here's what's come out about why we don't talk about serious lust issues in church:

The number one reason? Women don't want to hear or acknowledge it's true.

We don't want to think it's OUR husband, father (in-law), son (in-law) or friend that struggles with this! It's always someone else's ______. (fill in the blank) Women are not wired to be sexual in the same way as men are. God did create us differently. Women are not commonly very "visual" sexual beings. There are a high percentage of women who also struggle with pornography and masturbation, but we just ostracize them too. So they don't talk about it either. (although in my small circle of godly women, I know 3 who've admitted to me that they do or have.) We don't understand the struggle, so we don't know how to deal with those who do. So we keep it as far from us as possible.

Number two? Men don't want to tell the women in their life, because they know it will hurt them. So they tell themselves: "I don't want to hurt her, so I'll beat this on my own, and she'll never have to know." Some of you, PLEASE admit that you've heard this so my readers will know that I'm not the only one out here, or that I'm making this up. Christian husbands truly do love their wives despite this sin, so Satan tells them to keep it secret a little longer. "I'll tell her once I've beaten it, no use hurting her in the middle of this." But secrecy only empowers the sin.

Number three? Men think only seriously fallen or non-Christians struggle with this..not godly men who are struggling. So if you're the only guy consistently going to church with this sin, who can you tell? You're the only one with this struggle, no one will understand. They'll just judge you. You even begin to doubt your salvation. Satan will do whatever he can to keep this sin secret and enslaving you to him.

There are other thoughts people have expressed, but these were the top three. 90%. Ninety percent. That means, think of 10 men you consider godly in your life. Only one of those men have never struggled with this. ONLY ONE HASN"T. Maybe it is your husband, father (in-law) son (in-law) or friend who is the one percent. But the other 9 statistically have. Let's be generous....Let's just say 5 0f those men have. Or lets just say 2. Aren't those 2 men in your life worth figuring out what to do about the sexual sin that's destroying our future and present church leaders and their families? At one church (I won't say which) we had two deacons come and admit to us that this has been a SERIOUS struggle for them in their recent past. They were fathers who had sons and daughters, they were leaders in the church. At another church, the deacons in general admitted that it's a sin all men are tempted with and that they all struggled with, that's why despite knowing Daniel's past they accepted him as a leader.

As women, we need to move past our ignorance and disgust at this sin in order to break the silence and free those (men and women) who have accepted salvation, but are still slaves to this sin. Please help me figure this out, or pray for us along the way as we break the silence and work to "set the captives free" as Christ came to do. You have a part too!

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I smiled when I read the quirk about blankets. I miss going to each others houses and instantly grabbing blankets so we could talk. Remember when I asked Chaz at my house in Arlington to grab me a blanket and he even dug to the bottom of the basket to get the one he knew I always got? That was great.

It excites me to see you so passionate about breaking the silence of this sexual sin. It definitely needs to be done and encourages me to do help break the silence too. Jeff and Bro. David led chapel at ETBU the other day and Bro. David shared his testimony about that. You should listen to it online. It was encouraging. I definitely thought of you guys when I listened to it.