I don't understand.
I don't know how many times I've thought and said that (in many tones of voice) over the last 1 1/2 years. Sometimes it seems like nothing in our lives is coming together and God is silent and still. And then there are times of frantic movement and I'm left standing still in the middle as the world increases it's speed in amazing and scary ways.
We may have some choices to make in the very near future. There are pros and cons to every choice available right now. We pray for wisdom if we have to decide. I don't know what I fear most: that we'd have to make a decision or that the possibilities will turn us down and we'll be left with nothing again.
And I'm trying not to worry or fear in the middle of it all, but I don't know how to stop. There was a time when we first moved here that I got really sick (and was depressed too) and just could NOT get out of bed that morning. But I had our kids AND my niece to take care of, so I was trying to pull it together and get up. And Daniel walked in, handed me some medicine and said, "Don't worry about the kids. I'll take care of all of them. You go to sleep and let me worry about it all." And after I got over a little guilt, I did exactly what he suggested. I let him handle everything. I didn't worry about any of the kids or their needs or anything, and I slept because I trusted he'd take care of them.
Why can't I do that now? God's hands are big enough, strong enough, experienced enough, trustworthy enough to leave all my worries in. Why can't I just go to sleep and let Him worry about it all? I know God's just as concerned about my future and family as I am. I trust Him with my eternity, why is it so hard to trust Him with and in this unknown? I pray this all gets straightened out soon. If I could just sleep through it all, it'd be better right?