Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Is yellow Square?

I commented on my first post about how sometimes our questions don't make sense to God. It's like asking Him if yellow is square. I have LOTS of questions for and about God right now. He doesn't seem to be answering certain prayers. He doesn't "behave" in a way I understand or can predict. I wonder why in New Testament times He seemed to be moving and doing miracles galore, I feel like He doesn't do that anymore. (How can He be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, if He doesn't act the same anymore?) Anyway, I have royally stunk at having a "quiet time" lately. Like for a few months. I still pray, Daniel and I still pray together, but I haven't heard from God in forever. I just sit in the silence and hurt, and wait for....something.

But today I was reading my Bible again, and I was in Judges reading about Gideon in chapter 6. Here's some interesting things I noticed:

In verse 4, it says that the Israelites had been hiding in the mountain caves because the Mideonites have been attacking and taking their crops, cattle, everything. So they were cowards. Gideon was actually threshing wheat in a winepress...ie: hiding so they could have some food. Here's what happens next:

The angel of God appeared to him and said, "God is with you, O mighty warrior!"

(wait a minute, God is calling a guy who's hiding in caves a mighty warrior???)

13 Gideon replied, "With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, 'Didn't God deliver us from Egypt?' The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian."

14 But God faced him directly: "Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven't I just sent you?"


So Gideon basically asks my question for me: Supposedly, God used to do all these amazing things in the past, so where is He now? But God didn't even answer Gideons question/accusation. WHY??? Was it not worth answering? Was there not an answer? But mabye what God had to say instead was more important than Gideon's question. "Go in this strength that is yours." The NIV says: "Go with the strength that you have." To me, this says, just go with your questions. Do the work I've given you, despite questions. He doesn't admonish Gideon for doubting, his questions don't make him incapable of or disqualified from leading. God looks at him in the state he's in and says, "you're just weak enough to bring Me glory." Now where have I heard this before?? Oh yeah, 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Not that questioning makes you weak..not at all. But questioning things seems to reveal that you know you don't have all the answers...you don't have it all together. Therefore, you most desperately need to cling to the One who does. So, what I learned today is: Even if my quesitons NEVER get answered, I'm going to continue on in the strength I have, and I'll be quieted by His love. (thanks, Sarah.)


sestapleton said...

hooray for Mary's thoughts. I am SOOOO glad that you got this blog, because I have missed my talks with you and have missed your insight on things. It's still not as good as in person, but now I feel more connected to you. i cannot wait to see you this weekend! you should call me after your interview and tell me how it went!

Taylor said...

Chris Tomlin sings a song about this! (Someone should really put the whole Bible to music... it would be so much easier for me to memorize.) My favorite line in the song is...

"You use the weak to lead the strong."

I feel pretty weak right now. Don't really know what I have left to be used by God... but that is exactly how He wants me. He wants all around me to know that it is HIS power through me and not of my own.

You should right a book. Good stuff.

Taylor said...

I just re-read my comment... "right" should say "write" -- either way it would be "right" for you to "write" a book! :)

sestapleton said...

you should update!