Not to whine (yet again...lol) but life is so hard right now. My whole house (3 bedrooms, office, huge kitchen, living room, 2 car garage and an attic) is in a storage shed and a bedroom at my parents house. My 3 year old son sleeps in the lower bunk bed of my 15 year old sister's room. (I'm grateful she's willing to share her room with a child... but poor her.) And my 5 month old daughter shares a room with us. Now, I am very grateful that we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, healthy family and people who love us....but I don't for one minute see any of this as NORMAL. Putting a family of four with another family of 3 into one house does not equal normal for any one of us.
Stephanie (my sister) cannot go into her room for privacy if Chaz is taking a nap in there. She gave up some of her closet and drawer space for his clothes. Chaz's 'toys" (most of which are in storage still) are in plastic cubes at the end of the hallway. He can't play in his/steph's room because there's no room, so his toys end up scattered all around the house (which my OCD mother CAN NOT stand...but what's a kid to do??)
My parents just sent their 5th child away to college. Their house is supposed to be getting emptier, but no..we add more children to the place...which they usually do not mind, but it's not what they had planned. We have yet to find a ministry position. And we still have not found a temp job either! Not even Wal-mart has called Daniel back! (another place told us they wouldn't hire Daniel because he was way too qualified. You go to college, and that makes you over qualified?!? I guess they know that person probably won't stick around long term) But school starts soon, so hopefully we can at least get some substitute teaching jobs.
It has recently hit me that we have now lived here for 3 months.
That's 1/4 of a year.
My dilemma now is finding out how permanent I should start thinking. We've lived here for three months...should we take some more things out of storage so that this place feels more like "home" to us and our kids??? But what if a church calls tonight and we interview and move in 3 weeks???
So, I have to be willing to move in a reasonable amount of time, yet somehow think about this place as a more permanent "home." What in the world does that look like???? I'm serious. This is affecting me/us in lots of ways. I'm not getting to know people around here, or investing in them too deeply because, "Well, we might be moving soon and then I'll have to just say good-bye." Why volunteer in church/community because "when we leave, they'll just have to replace us."
But I can't keep living like this. I can't keep thinking about the future so much that I don't live in the "now." That's why Christians are so ineffective. We've got our head stuck in the clouds, thinking that "when we get to heaven it'll all be better." We look forward so much, we forget that Jesus still has us HERE and NOW for a reason. There's got to be a balance where Christians can be IN the world, but not be conformed to it.
There's got to be a balance where I know that we can move to anywhere in the US in the next month, but yet make this HOME for my family. If you have any suggestions as to what this looks like, please let me know. Seriously. Thanks for listening.