Sunday, August 17, 2008

This road goes on forever....

I am so ready to find a church family that wants us to serve as their youth minister. It's unbearable; not just the waiting...what's unbearable is the burden and desire to love people that I don't even know yet. We are members of a church here in Ennis, and we work with the youth and the intern here; but we know this isn't where we're called to be. (They turned us down, that made it pretty clear for us..lol) School is about to start and I really thought we'd have a job by now. I wanted to start the school year out with our "new" church. To have a "back to school party" and their first football game and stuff. I know it will all work out and be amazing, but it's just not what I'd planned (again...)

Why does God give you such a desire and calling, a pure and good thing; and then tell you to wait? They're HIS people, and I just want to love them. What's so difficult about that?!?

I grew up Catholic and much of the mass and songs didn't mean much to me, because I usually had no idea what was going on...even with most of it in English..lol. I was told there was Jesus and Mary and God, and that He died on the cross. Maybe I was told for our sins, but I don't remember and it didn't mean anything to me anyway. Because we were ALSO taught that we had to "do" certain things for our sins to be forgiven, so what's the big deal about God anyway if what He did wasn't enough. Anyway, there's this hymn that we sang all the time, and I always liked it, knew the story it was based on, but didn't mean anything to me. Till the other day, it just came back to me. All the words, the tune, everything. I haven't sung this song since I was like 11. And it made my heart ache and break, because of what it means to me now. Maybe it won't move you like it did me, but I want to share it anyway:

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard My people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear My light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have born my peoples pain.
I have wept for love of them, They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.


I will hold Your people in my heart.
No matter how inconvient it is. No matter how much it may cost.
We've said, "whatever." I want to see this promise through.
Just let it be soon, please?

2 comments:

Taylor said...

You wrote... "Why does God give you such a desire and calling, a pure and good thing; and then tell you to wait?"

That pretty much sums up motherhood for me.

Sarah said...

I love the words to that song. You are right. They ARE his people. I've never really had a compassion for lost people much until here lately...I learned a lot about what that looks like to truly love people from you.